Who Am I?
by SunsetPixie
Summary: Matthew Bonnefoy is a teenage boy with a lot of problems in his life; learning disabilities, his brother bashing him up from time to time and all the rest. This is his life in his view, how Matthew lives.
1. Chapter 1

Who Am I? (Hetalia AU) - Chapter One

I've always been different, right from the start. People always say that everyone is and it shouldn't matter to the person, but I'm different though. My mum is always looking out for me, while my father is always teaching me from right and wrong. When I was two years of age, I was diagnosed with the worst case of ADHD there is known, also a learning difficulty that comes along with that. Some people ask me, "Who are you?!"  
I'll always answer, unsure, "Matthew Bonnefoy."

Yes, indeed I'm Matthew, the freak of the whole entire neighbourhood, as my brother puts it. It was a wonder how he didn't get what I got, but that's beside the point. I'm the one whom papa didn't put into school until I was seven years old, in fear that I might start a tantrum or something. But in truth, I think he's afraid of something else, maybe the mystical Francis Bonnefoy could be afraid of me maybe.

My mum, however, is the only one who understands me most of the time. Alice, my lovely mother, is one of those people that does theory towards mental people, (me), and a doctor/surgeon. She's SUPER smart, not to mention helpful towards me. Although, she mainly talks to Alfred, but I think she loves me.

Hopefully.

Alfred, however, is a whole different story. He hates me, right from the moment when I was born. He's the one people are questioning in weather or not he has autism instead of me; he throws tantrums all over the place. I have no idea why he does though, I never understood the fact. However, despite all of this, he's always protecting me, that I prefer.

I get made fun of a lot, so because of this, I stay home a lot, mum or papa doesn't really mind, as long as I don't make a mess of the place. Alfred never does, he's one of the 'popular' kids in school, while I'm at the bottom of the chain. Not saying that I don't have friends, mind you, but we're all at the bottom of the charts. I think it's because of me, but they say it's because we're the 'odd' group in the place.

Yet again, I am odd.

Anyway, tomorrow is the start of a new year, which means that it's the start of grade nine, the dreaded year I most hate. My best friend, Lovino, says that he'll just get it done with so he can just get home and sleep his days through. Well, all I have to say to that, is I hope he's right about the flying through thing, because I'm not too sure anymore.

Right now, I'm on the couch watching Sherlock Holmes. I love this movie, also the books. They're so cool, in my world. In every normal person's world, it's just a movie with one of the coolest actors around. I wish I was like him, that way, I can actually be considered to be cool in that era of time.

Yet again, mum says that playing the violin and guitar in my case is talent. But that's not the point.

I want to be normal, I want to able to go up a random person in the world, tap their shoulder, and start a conversation with them. Unfortunately, I cannot do that for a couple of reasons, mainly with the 'disability', as I like to call it, that I have. The slightest sign of a conversation, I'll sheer away. Plus, I'm not too fond on physical contact either, especially hugs. The second someone touches me, even if it's the family at times, I'll hit them. I don't mean it though, it just happens. God, I want to be normal like Alfred so badly!

Oh, a good scene is on. It's when Sherlock thinks of what he's going to do and does it in slow motion. Huh, I wonder how people do that, everything in slow motion. I think I'll ask mum, she know everything anyway.

I found her reading on the front porch. I sigh, "M-mum?"  
Stopping her reading, she smiles warmly at me, "Yes Matthew, dear? What is it?"  
I sit on the floor, crossing my legs. I have this tendency to sit on the floor instead of a chair for some reason unknown to man, "I wanna know how people can do stuff in slow motion. Is it special effects or something?"  
She chuckled, shaking her head, "You are an amusing boy, I'll give you that Matthew." She sat next to me, "I'm presuming you'd been watching Sherlock Holmes again?"  
I nod, "Is this stupid to ask?"  
"No! It's actually a decent question, love!"  
Really, because I feel stupid for asking her, "Sorry for asking that though…"  
I heard her gasp. She hugs me, very tightly, "Sweetie, it isn't stupid at all. You brother, on the other hand, asks so many stupid questions in his life! Like the other day, he asked me if I was from Britain."  
I laugh, "I guess he is, but he means well. It just…just…" He's so mean to me.  
I wonder if mum can read minds, "Matthew, honey, let's not dread on him, yes?" She ruffled my hair, "As for the answer to your question, they use special effects and some other things I was never been able to understand in my life…" She laughed.  
"Thanks mum…" For some time, I just sat there, talking to her. She can open anyone up from the inside.

Pretty soon, Papa arrived home and greeted me in his over dramatic self he portraits, and asked me how was my day. That question is always the same; I get bullied by the kids in the area, run home and hide inside for two hours straight until they go away from me. I hate them so much; I want to kill them with the power of Thor! But I can't because he's a fictional character.

Dammit!

Oh no, Alfred's home, and he looks pissed more than ever at me. I run inside, his footsteps coming after me in his rage. I look back, he's getting closer! No, I don't want to die now! Not now! I don't know what I did, but he's not happy with me! I only made it to the Maple Tree we have at the back, before he tackled me to the ground, he is on the football team.

Man, he's punching me in the eye, despite the fact that I have glasses on. Alfred hissed, "Just die! I hate you!"  
I'm crying, God I hate when that happens, "What did I do?!"  
"You're existence!"  
I was about to get punched in the face again, until I see a hand stopping the movement. It was papa, "ALFRED! ENOUGH!" He pulled him off me, "Get inside! NOW, MOVE IT!"  
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him snarl at me before heading inside, papa right on his tail. Heh, the funny thing is, I was out right after that. All I could see was the colour black.

God, my head hurts so badly. I'm not too sure why though. I try to sit up, but something's on my head, something wet. Might be my soul soaked in a towel, eh? However, I opened my eyes, seeing the bedroom I sleep in. Oh, I did pass out.

I want papa, "Papa? I'm hungry…"  
Someone chuckled, "Dinner will be in soon, Matthew. Just sit tight, yes?"  
Oh, it's mum, "Really? Is Alfred okay? He seemed really annoyed for some reason…"  
A sigh, rather an annoyed one at that, "Honey, I'm more worried about you than him. You've got to worry about yourself for once…"  
"But I'm fine, just tired and hungry that's all…" Damn, I really want something to eat.  
She smiled, "You think you can come down stairs to eat or do you want to stay up here?"  
Okay, which path. I guess, "I'll come down stairs."

Okay, I know one thing. Alfred won't be talking to me tonight…


	2. Chapter 2

Who Am I? (Hetalia AU) - Chapter Two

Okay, my mind is so messed up right now that I won't bother to speak. But why would I, not with the glares I was getting from Alfred, then the fact that my head was pounding its own beat rather than my usual piano chords in my head.

Speaking of that, I really want to play something on the baby grand we have down stairs. Letting my fingers brush against the keys, which would be nice. That way, I won't have to listen to any bickering that comes and goes within the house. Yeah, that's what I like.

But that's not the point!

I make it down the stairs, but my head's spinning in circles as I take a step. Maybe I should stay in bed, but I'm really hungry though. I feel as if I hadn't eaten in so long, I feel as if I'm stranded on an island with no food! Man, I wonder what we're having anyway. I hope it's something filling, like chicken!

Oh, as it turns out, we're having chicken soup. Well, I guess that's the same thing I guess, considering it's in soup form. I love papa's food; it's heaven on a plate! For one day of my life, I would just love to eat his sweets; they're, well, sweets! However, with the glares I was getting from Alfred, I'll probably just keep my mouth shut.

Mum sighed, and looked at Alfred, "So al, what's happened today? You were out all day…" She ate some soup after stating that.  
Alfred, who was eating at the time, stopped, and looked at mum, "Well, I did see the new Iron Man movie. That was cool, after that I'm not too sure, my memories blank."  
Heh, as if. However, I sigh, "Is it any good?" I really like Marvel too.  
He glared at me, I hate it when he's in one of these moods, "What's it to you? You don't even go out!"  
That's it, "I do so! You just don't bother asking me where I'm going! Plus, I have a job, Al, so of course I go out!"  
He scoffed, "Right, a waiter. One of dad's company's, you're such a mama's boy! HA!"  
"At least he isn't an annoying little prick who doesn't know when to shut his mouth, Alfred." Papa smirked, "Besides, I'm sure YOUR job is going well, hmm?"  
"Alright, alright!" Alfred sighed, "Look, I know I haven't got a job yet, but I'm planning on getting one very soon. I found this place near a local sporting club; so might as well go and take a shot, eh Matthew?" He smirked.  
Okay, the only reason he's doing that, is because I'd rather paint and play music rather than play sports. I sigh, "Yeah, Al. I know…."  
"Like you do!"  
"I do!"  
"As if!"  
"You want to test it out?!" Oh he's going to get it!  
"ENOUGH!" Mum yelled, making me and Alfred shut our mouths completely, "Just enough, bloody hell!"

Well, the rest of dinner was quiet.

Afterwards, I went into the family room, where the baby grand was standing patiently for my returns. I love this beauty; she's the one that I vent my frustrations on. I sat down on the chair, opening the lid to get at the keys. Okay, I take a deep breath and begin to play something utterly random. I'm not too sure on what tune it was, but it was rather an odd one.

A tap on my shoulder brought me back into reality, as I spin around to see, the devil himself, Alfred. He smiled, oddly enough, "Pink Panther, eh?"  
Oh, so is that what it was! God, I love that, "Yeah…"  
He sat next to me, looking at the keys. This is getting weird, "I've always wondered, can ya play the Angry Birds theme song?"  
Heh, typical Alfred thinking, "No…"  
"Really?"  
Okay, what does he want from me, "What do you want, Al?"  
He sighed, looking down at his hands, "Mum said that I should take up piano lessons for some reason…And since ya the only person I know that plays one…"  
Oh Alfred, you could just ask me, "Yeah, I'll teach you…"  
"Ya mean it?!" When he gets exited, his voice gets all squeaky.  
I nod, "Sure, I'll teach you."  
He held out a fist at me, and I flinch. However, he tilts his head to one side, "Dude, it's a bro fist, you punch it…"  
"Ah, okay then…?" I punched his fist, looking at the time. Oh, it's actually pretty late, and I'm getting tired anyway. I stand, "Night, Alfred…"  
He nodded once, walking past me to his room, "G'night, Matt."

I was whisked away into sleep land once I touched my bed.

Ugh, stupid sun, why can't you just die? Seriously, it's always getting into my eyes every time I sleep, it's so irritating. I rolled over to the opposite side that was facing the window, ignoring the knocks on my door. They got louder at each knock, but I just kept sleeping, no need to disturb the peace on Earth right now, eh?

My poor door, it just got slammed open by my mum, who was now scolding me for not getting out of bed and getting ready for the Hell hole I call school. She sighed, "Just get up, Matthew!"  
I stumble out of bed, groping around for my glasses. Found them, and I placed them on my face, staring dully at mum, "Why? I really don't want to be pounded into a wall again, or maybe get lack words written all over my face on my face again…"  
Mum sighed, walking out the door, "Chin up, lad. It'll be alright. After all, you have Lovino and Hercules." She pointed at me, "Two are better than one, you know."  
I strolled over to my clothing draws, pulling out a pair of jeans and a hoodie, nothing special, "Guess you're right mum, as always." She closed the door so I could get changed, I was running late anyway.

Running down the steps, I found myself with a piece of toast in my mouth, a reminder that I had work today, and being pushed out the door. Man, sometimes mum can be so demanding! Although, it was a nice day, it was summer, but I wish it was winter. I love the cold, I prefer it to this damn heat, yet again, I think I should take my hoodie off, but it has short sleeves. Damn, I wish I could make it snow, but I can't, as I'm not the God of Winter.

Damn you imagination!

I arrive at high school, Alfred pushing past me to get to his 'popular' group. Why did the almighty above make such people like that? I wish they never existed, heck I wish for them to disappear! However, as I walk over to the building, someone freaked me out.

The person jumped on my back, yelling, "Waffles for all! How've ya been, Mattie?!"  
Heh, it was Charlotte, my friend from Belgium, "Good, you?"  
She patted my head, "Very well! Waffles are my official favourite food, Normed is such a bore, and Lovino is late! Also, I spot Hercules!"  
She hoped off my back, and ran towards my Greek friend. She did the same thing to him, saying the exact same words too. I sigh, "Sometimes…"  
"Charlotte, get off him!" I hear Normed's voice booming, but who wouldn't. He's from Netherlands, so of course he'll have a strong accent! He waved, "How have you been, Matthew?"  
I shrug, "Good, I guess. The heat's killing me though…"  
"You should take your hoodie off…"  
"But it's cosy when I wear it…"  
He pulled it off, and I was now in a t-shirt I randomly found in my draws. He laughed, "Feel better?"  
"Damn you!" I looked over my shoulder, spotting Lovino. I wave, "Hey!"  
Lovino strolled over, waving back, "Ciao, how was your holiday?"  
"Fine, yours?"  
He looked in the opposite direction, "Let's just say that it was as to be expected." The bell rang, and we dashed to our homeroom, "Might as well put up with Hell for the rest of the day, eh?"  
I sigh, taking my seat, "Yeah, yeah…"

Something tells me that today was going to be a REALLY long day.


	3. Chapter 3

Who Am I? (Hetalia AU) - Chapter Three

School can rot in Hell for all I care. I hate it here; everyone stares at me as if I'm the main circus act! People knocking me onto the ground, or bashing their bodies, which some of them had football gear on, into my shoulder. All around, I hear people call me a psycho or a freak because of the way I am. That's true, I'll admit, but it doesn't mean that I don't get pissed off. In fact, pissed off is practically an understatement in what I'm feeling right now, I'm so annoyed. Gah, I just want to be free from school!

Speaking of free, Lovino had just asked me a minute ago if had art today and offered to explain the assignment to me if I did. I do, I have art at the same time as him, so I guess I could go. You see, I hardly ever show up because of the people in the class, but I guess I could let that one slide, eh? However, I hate the stares I get, but this is free explanation I'm missing out on, but I'm not sure. I hate the people in that class, they're so mean to me.

It's the first lesson of the day, which means I have Maths with Hercules. Great, another bore fest for us all. The teacher is bad enough, but to me, Math is way too hard. With all the numbers, letters and symbols used, I can never get the hang of anything that involves Maths.

At least I have Hercules.

I sat in my chair, and already I'm being called names. It's all 'freak this' and 'psycho that', I roll my eyes at their stupidity, what morons. I wish they would see it through my eyes, that way they would actually stop. However, unlike some people, I cannot read minds nor do I intend to. So I just sit back and let the insults roll in, not saying that I like it, far from it, but I'm used to it by now.

Hercules finally arrives and took a seat next to me, sighing, "Matthew, you really can't let them push you around like that…"  
I sigh, this wasn't his problem, it's not anyone's! Why can't they see that I don't want any help, "It's not your problem, so let me be."  
He leaned forward, resting his head in his arms, "Well, I think that it should be an issue, Matt."  
"Whatever…" I slouch in my chair as the teacher walked in. I haven't done my homework, so I'm trying to hide, "Think he'll notice me?"  
He shrugged, "I don't think he will; no one ever does notice you anyway. Well, no one but me and the rest of the people that I can't be bothered to name in our group."  
I wonder, "How long did you stay up to last night, Hercules?"  
He stared at his notebook for a second, before chuckling, "More than I intended to, Matt."  
"You really shouldn't stay up for that long…" Oh no, Alfred's in this class, (I haven't got a clue why though…), "Hide me…"  
"What?"  
Okay, I whisper a lot, "I said hide me, I really don't want to be seen right now…"  
"Go under the desk."  
"What?" Seriously, Hercules?  
"Why not? Just go under the desk and sit there until he goes away…" He pulled me under the desk, him sitting in his seat. Honestly, am I a doll, "Just stay there."

So here I am, under a desk while Alfred talks to the teacher about something utterly random. I wish he could just shut up and get to his seat so I can escape from this Hell, but unfortunately for me, I have a teacher's aide coming in, so I have to be here. I glanced around the room at my level, and this isn't a bad view of the class, all I can see is their legs and shoes. Speaking of shoes, my shoelace is untied. I might as well tied it up before I trip or something. As I do though, I hear people asking where I went. Heh, that's actually quite funny.

It wasn't until half the lesson when the teacher noticed me on the floor. He raised a brow, "Matthew, why are you down there?"  
Oh great, now I'm going to make up something, "Umm…" Just then, a pencil landed at my foot. Huh, who did that? Huh, "I'm just picking up my pencil, sir."  
"Oh, well then just back into your seat!" As I did, he scolded me, "Honestly, you're pathetic!"  
Great, here comes the speech. However, the bell rang. Yes, I'm free! He dismissed me, and I sighed relieved, "Thank God!"

The rest of the day went as expected, everyone either making fun of me or ignoring me or some other things. I have work now, so I have to hurry up. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoon I have work, so that's where I'm heading. I'm a waiter at Papa's café he owns down town.

Damn, life can't get any worse, eh?

As it turns out, it can. I enter the café, and I was greeted with, "You're late."  
I placed on my apron from behind the counter, sighing, "The teacher kept us in again…"  
"Oh, well just waiter on some customers." As soon as papa said that, Alfred and his 'group' entered the café, taking their seats. He ushered me towards them, "I'll be watching, Matthew."  
"Yeah, yeah…" I really can't be bothered to do anything.

I walked up to the table, acting as if I don't know him, "Hello, my name is Matthew and I'll be your waiter this afternoon. May I please take your order." Simple and sweet.  
One of Alfred's friends smirked, "Mattie, don't act as if you don't know us!" He sighed, rubbing his hand against his hair. I wonder what his name is. He chuckled, "I want…For you to go away."  
Oh, this guy is going to get on my nerves. However, as I'm a waiter, I sigh, "Please let me take your orders, I don't have all day, you know."  
Alfred laughed, "You practically do! Now," He rubbed his hand together, "I want a smoothie, s'all."  
I wrote that down, "I'm guessing everyone would like one?" They all nodded, and I chuckled, "Like baby chicks following their mother…" I strolled away.  
"What did you say?" He growled.  
I smirked, "Oh, nothing…"

God I love my job.

Lovino works here as well, he's also a waiter. He laughed when he saw that, while Papa just stared. Heh, I'm a little smart ass at times. I start making the smoothies, and I notice something odd. Alfred's group was talking amongst each other, then they stared at me, then laughed. Oh no, please don't let it be that they're going to embarrass me…Once again.

I walked back, five drinks on the tray, and just as I went up to their table, some random idiot, (Alfred), put his foot in my path and tripped me. As I got up, I saw that I was covered in smoothie. Great, thanks a lot Al, you're a lifesaver.

Alfred laughed, "Oh, did you drop them?" He laughed harder, everyone joining in, "You're such an idiot! You can't get anything right!"  
THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD IT, "AT LEAST I DON'T MAKE FUN OF THE INNOCENT, YOU MORTAL!" Wait, did I just say that?  
Oh no, "Nerd!"  
Knew it, I was about to give him what for, until someone held me back. I glanced back, only to see Lovino holding me back. I was pushed aside, him glaring at Alfred, "OUT!"  
Alfred stood, glaring at me on the floor. I was trying to get most of the drink out of my hair so mum won't yell. Alas, I fail though. He, oddly, instead of leaving, sighed, "See ya guys tomorrow then."

Everyone went, and I was still on the floor, getting this stupid drink out of hair. Man, this was going to be hard to explain to mum, she's quite strict about making a mess and stuff. It feels like glue in my hair, it's coming out in clumps or stiff strands.

This is so annoying!

For the rest of the day I had to go with the 'Thick Hair' look, somehow I managed to pull it off. Either that or no one could see me. We're at home, and I'm being scolded for being so careless. I guess I deserve this, I mean, I was careless.

But, people never seem to notice that I get hurt a lot inside.

I'm not stopping the tears from flowing down my face, and papa noticed. He stepped in, squeezing my shoulder, "Alice, it actually wasn't his fault…"  
Mum looked at me, noticing the tears. She was confused, "Then who?"  
"Do I really need to answer that?" He rolled his eyes, "His 'dear' brother and his group of friends thought it was funny to trip him while he was carrying drinks to their table." He sighed, "I understand why he's crying though, I mean, what kind of a brother would do that?!"  
Her eyes darkened, and she yelled, "ALFRED! GET IN HERE NOW!"  
Hearing his footsteps come closer, I sheered away, running. I don't want to deal with him right now, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no…"

I really don't like my life.


End file.
